Tag Archives: relationships

Dear Me

16 Apr

Dear Me,

I wanted to start by saying thank you.  Thank you for trying to protect me all these years.  Thank you for building those walls when I wasn’t strong enough to face the world.  Thank you for studying people and watching them so closely, and alerting me every time they did something suspicious that was similar to other times I’d been hurt.  Thank you for tucking me deep down, away from all the pain and the hurt that the world can bring.  Thank you for everything.

But it’s time for me to come out now.  It’s time for me to face the world and feel the sun on my face.  I can’t stay locked inside anymore.  It’s time for me to stop hiding and start healing.  I can’t stay protected forever.  The walls we built have turned into a prison.  I need to be free, to get a few bumps and bruises, because that’s the only way I will grow.  I’m not saying I don’t need you anymore, because I do.  This is all very new to me, and I’ll need a safe place I can come to when I start getting overwhelmed.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the things you’ve done for me, but the things that once helped me are now hurting me.  It’s time for us to come up with a new way of dealing with the outside.  I’m willing to work with you on this, because you have been faithful and strong for me, but you must find it within you to start breaking down some of these walls.

You have been the truest friend I’ve ever had, but it’s time for us to let go of all of the old hurts and realize that hiding away isn’t going to stop the hurt from happening.  Life is going to hurt, but the walls mean there’s no one else around to make it better again.  We are no longer children, and we know that hiding our head beneath the covers only protects us from the monsters that live in the closet, not from the monsters that live in broad daylight.

We can be strong without being distant.  We can love without fear.  Living life waiting for the other shoe to drop hasn’t made us happy, so it’s time for a change.

I know it’s scary, but we can do it.

We have to do it.

It hurts too much not to.

Love,

Me

Don’t Let The Door Hit Ya…

1 Apr

**Alert** This post is nothing more than a frustrated rant.  I left out a lot, omitted much of the cursing I felt like doing, and didn’t mention the fact that I blame no one but ourselves for this situation.  Never EVER rely on friendship to keep housemate situations peaceful.  Always draw up a contract and get some sort of deposit when letting someone move in with you.  You will always end up regretting it if you don’t.

 

My Love and I have been together since October of 2011.  When we became a ‘couple’, his previous girlfriend still lived in his house, as she had nowhere else to go at the time.  There she remained until the 1st of October 2012.

We so enjoyed it when she moved out.  We finally had the place to ourselves.  No one to worry about coming in at ‘inconvenient’ times, or disturbing anyone else with our chaotic sleep schedule.  The place was finally OURS.

Except by Halloween 2012, it wasn’t.

Within weeks of ex-girlfriend moving out, old-high-school-buddy had contacted him and said he needed someplace to stay for a while.  He was having trouble in his marriage, and he needed to get out and get his head straight, try to fix the problems, etc. etc. I’ll call him ‘Andy’.  So, because Andy (technically his mother, since Andy was still just a kid) had let my Love live with him for about 6 months when they were in school together and my Love had left home, my Love felt that he owed it to him to help him out.

I met ‘Andy’ the day he began moving his stuff into our house. Continue reading

Great Expectations -or- Your Secret Fantasies Revealed

9 Mar
Are they?

Is it?

Today I ran across this ‘meme’, and it applies to some things I’ve been contemplating lately.  I saved it and was about to post it to my Facebook page, when I had to pause and rethink its message. Are expectations really the root of all heartache?  After a few moments of serious thought, I had to conclude that although the sentiment seems sound on the surface, it is incorrect.  I don’t believe that expectations are the problem.

I believe it is important for us to hold expectations; of ourselves as well as those around us.  It’s been proven that higher expectations net higher results than low or no expectations.  When expectations come as a representation of faith in the potential of people or situations, I believe they are an entirely positive thing.  The problems begin to arise when we allow ourselves to forget that the expectations we hold are nothing more than fantasies we have woven about the future, in order to predict what will make us happy. Continue reading

Who’s Really Pulling Your Strings?

28 Feb

From the instant you become conscious in the morning until the moment you fall asleep, someone or something is in control of you.  The question is, is it you?

Most of us would say that we are the ones who control ourselves, but do we really?

First, let’s define ‘me’.  Is me my person, my physical body?  While some of us may measure or define ourselves by our physical being, we are not, in fact, our physical bodies because if we lose a limb or get an organ transplant or blood transfusion, we are still ourselves.  No matter how the physical costume changes, we are still who we are.

In reality who we are, ‘I’, is composed of our minds.  Our soul, spirit, consciousness… whatever label you want to put on it, our thoughts, emotions and actions create the ‘me’ we all claim as who we are, so when I ask who is in control of you, I am in essence asking you who is in control of your mind.

If you are like most people, your immediate answer would be, ‘I am, of course’.  The reality for almost all of us is, the entire time we are awake we give control of ourselves to everyone and everything around us, without even realizing what we are doing.

We give external stimuli (people, events and situations) control of ourselves mentally as well as verbally without a second thought. Continue reading

Committing Kindness – A Father’s Love

14 Aug
Commit Random Kindness

Commit Random Kindness (Photo credit: ganesha.isis)

I know I sound like a broken record these last few days, with all these posts about Committing Kindness, but I just can’t seem to get it out of my head.  I hope that instead of getting bored, you all are enjoying these posts.  Today I’d like to share something that I found that really impressed me, and I hope that it impresses you, too.

I ran across this blog entitled “366 Random Acts“, in which a father took it upon himself to commit 366 acts of kindness for either strangers, friends or family members because he wanted to make the world a better place for his 3 month old daughter to live.  This ‘year + 1’ of selfless acts has since been completed, and he is now gearing up for his next adventure in kindness which he has titled ‘State of Kind’ in which he plans to commit an act of kindness in each of the 50 states.  Following is an excerpt from one of his favorite acts, Day 330 entitled ‘Walked In Someone Else’s Shoes’.

“I am 6’3″ and 200 lbs., but today I felt no bigger than [my daughter] Isla .  Hundreds upon hundreds of people walked by me without looking at or even acting as though I was invisible.  People whispered about me as they walked by, and some even snickered at me.  It actually got me pretty down and depressed.  However, every once in a while, someone would come up to me, ask me how I was doing, and put something into my tattered pink Solo cup.”

Continue reading

Acts of Kindness – The Forgotten

13 Aug
Random Thoughts of Kindness Barnstar

Random Thoughts of Kindness Barnstar (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is going to be a really quick one, as I let time slip away from me and I’m falling asleep at the wheel.  Well, keyboard to be precise.

These last few days I’ve been posting about Acts of Kindness.  Today I’d like to mention a sub-chapter of this that I haven’t really touched on so far.  Acts of Kindness toward ourselves.

Most of us speak to and treat ourselves worse than we would ever treat anyone else on the planet.  We deprive ourselves of sleep and good nutrition.  We talk to and about ourselves like we were the lowest of the low, usually holding ourselves to standards that would be unthinkable in regard to any other person on the planet.  We curse ourselves for not knowing things we couldn’t possibly have known, hold grudges against ourselves for things we couldn’t have possibly prevented or known the outcome of and eternally carry resentment for the slightest mistakes.

Today, I’d like to challenge you all to take a moment and commit an Act of Kindness toward yourself, with the true spirit of kindness.

Here’s a little list to get you started: Continue reading

Bring Random Acts of Kindness Home

12 Aug
The Great Kindness Challenge Logo

The Great Kindness Challenge Logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We often forget that Random Acts of Kindness are not limited to strangers. While yes, it is always a good feeling (as the giver or recipient) for one stranger to help another, we should not forget that those we know are often the ones most in need of AoK from us, specifically.

The old saying ‘Familiarity breeds contempt’ is true in the fact that we often tend to take for granted those that are closest to us.  We come to expect to be treated a certain way, or have things done for us, or begin to forget to go the extra mile because we don’t need to ‘make nice’ to those who are around us all the time.

Sometimes it means the most to those we’ve personally neglected, or those who have always taken care of us.  These people can include our parents, our children, our spouses, and our closest friends.

A perfect example of this is the A.o.K. that my Love committed that I shared in this post.  If anyone else had done this for me, yes, I would have appreciated it.  I would have been grateful, said thank you, and had a smile on my face all day, but it wouldn’t have been able to compare to the joy and happiness I felt by that unexpected and yes, random, act of thoughtfulness coming from the man I adore.  Nothing could have compared. Continue reading

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