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Is Your ‘Right’ A Wrong In Disguise?

3 Feb

I’ve written so many blog posts in which I’ve censored myself, sacrificing bald truth at the altar of political correctness.  Even my most controversial posts have been censored to spare myself from the worst vitriol and vicious diatribe of those who might oppose my views yet, even censored, when I am about to hit that ‘publish’ button for a post I suspect will rain accusation from others upon my head, my heart pounds and my hands literally shake.  I read and then re-read my post countless times, looking for any statement or opinion that I might have forgotten to ‘PC’-up, anything that I think could be misinterpreted or misconstrued.  Why do I do this?  Because besides my own personal insecurity, people want to be offended.  We read blogs and articles looking for anything to pounce on, like vultures circling a field, searching endlessly for that whiff of carrion, that hint of wrong thinking that we can latch onto and launch an attack on the author about.  I say ‘we’ because I too, have been guilty of this, and often.

On more than one occasion I’ve read a post or an article and found the author’s attitude or opinion to be so offensive that I’ve felt justified Continue reading

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Refreshing The Reader

31 Jan

Since it’s been so long since I have actively posted to my blog, I completely expected to have non-existent stats.  Obviously.  I had abandoned the few who came to visit me for two years.

What I wasn’t expecting was to have to find more blogs to follow for myself!

My reader was basically two bloggers who still post from two years ago, and that simply would not do!  Reading others’ posts inspires me, it challenges me, and it’s just plain interesting.

I’ve switched my primary blog from this blog to my other blog, Scribe-ly, which focuses more on my writing (prompts, poems, etc).  But it’s still nice to have somewhere to just share my thoughts.  I’ve already proven that I’m pretty much incapable of following the original ‘theme’ of this blog, so it is now basically a journal of sorts, instead of free, fun and interesting things!

So, here’s to connecting with new blogs, re-kindling some old contacts, and trying to get back on the bloggin’ wagon!

Technical Difficulty

3 Sep

So, my new business venture is off to a rockier start than I’d imagined.  There are always hiccups in the best laid plans, and I expected it to be so, but I always have such a difficult time staying motivated when I run into a snag with something.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m lazy, OCD, ADD, or impatient… regardless of what it is, I’m determined to stick with things this time.  If my business fails, it will fail because my products weren’t wanted, not because I didn’t see the venture through.

I don’t think I could handle giving up one one more thing.

Those of you who follow my blog have seen first-hand my tendency to wander.  I’m here for a few days, then I’m gone for ages, then I come back with an update and whatever my newest interest is, then I’m gone again.  It’s a very cyclical thing.

But this one I’m sticking with. Continue reading

Know Thy Heart, Know Thy Self

18 Jul

I think that when the ‘heart’ is mentioned, oftentimes it’s actually a reference to our ‘true self’.  When you let your heart guide you (excluding romantic passion… most people follow what they think is their hearts, only to find out later it was simply hormones) but in serious matters of life- family, what to do in a hard situation, what choice to make, etc. when people ‘follow their hearts’ they’re actually following the direction of their true selves, so to know your heart is to know your true self… and the true self is light and love.

 

This reflection was inspired by It’s All About The Love (And A Little Rumi).

Why Do I Do It?

18 Jul

Just a little bit ago I was walking into the kitchen to refill my tea glass when a snippet from a Tim McGraw song popped into my head:

“Please remember me”

Suddenly, it dawned on me why I continue to try my hand at things like art and writing.  I want to be remembered.

My life is nothing special.  I don’t have many friends, I don’t have a job, I don’t have children.  I have a fiancee and a cat.  The thought that if I died tomorrow there would be nothing left behind of ME on this Earth makes me immensely sad.  I want there to be something to show that I was here.

I’m not going to cure cancer, I’m not going to become a famous actress or singer, and it’s not looking like I’m going to become a famous artist, either, so what else is left to me to be remembered by other than my writing?  And if I’m going to be remembered by my writing, shouldn’t I actually WRITE something? Continue reading

Starting From Scratch

17 Jul

I’ve been derelict in my duties as a blogger.  I’ve abandoned my post and as a result, my readers have scattered in the wind, back to all corners of the globe from whence they came.

But maybe that’s not a bad thing.

Not that there was anything wrong with my readers, but maybe starting from scratch is what I need, to get me back to where I should have been all along.

I have this problem where, if I spend too much time in front of the computer, I tend to get lost in it, and by the time I manage to claw my way out from the bowels of the interwebz, eight hours have passed, and I’ve got nothing to show for it.  On the other hand, if I’m not on the computer, my blog tends to get lost in the everyday mundane things I manage to find to occupy my time.  It’s a tightrope I walk, and all the times I’ve fallen from it are evidenced by the several-month gaps between closely grouped posts. Continue reading

Dear Me

16 Apr

Dear Me,

I wanted to start by saying thank you.  Thank you for trying to protect me all these years.  Thank you for building those walls when I wasn’t strong enough to face the world.  Thank you for studying people and watching them so closely, and alerting me every time they did something suspicious that was similar to other times I’d been hurt.  Thank you for tucking me deep down, away from all the pain and the hurt that the world can bring.  Thank you for everything.

But it’s time for me to come out now.  It’s time for me to face the world and feel the sun on my face.  I can’t stay locked inside anymore.  It’s time for me to stop hiding and start healing.  I can’t stay protected forever.  The walls we built have turned into a prison.  I need to be free, to get a few bumps and bruises, because that’s the only way I will grow.  I’m not saying I don’t need you anymore, because I do.  This is all very new to me, and I’ll need a safe place I can come to when I start getting overwhelmed.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the things you’ve done for me, but the things that once helped me are now hurting me.  It’s time for us to come up with a new way of dealing with the outside.  I’m willing to work with you on this, because you have been faithful and strong for me, but you must find it within you to start breaking down some of these walls.

You have been the truest friend I’ve ever had, but it’s time for us to let go of all of the old hurts and realize that hiding away isn’t going to stop the hurt from happening.  Life is going to hurt, but the walls mean there’s no one else around to make it better again.  We are no longer children, and we know that hiding our head beneath the covers only protects us from the monsters that live in the closet, not from the monsters that live in broad daylight.

We can be strong without being distant.  We can love without fear.  Living life waiting for the other shoe to drop hasn’t made us happy, so it’s time for a change.

I know it’s scary, but we can do it.

We have to do it.

It hurts too much not to.

Love,

Me

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