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Why Do I Do It?

18 Jul

Just a little bit ago I was walking into the kitchen to refill my tea glass when a snippet from a Tim McGraw song popped into my head:

“Please remember me”

Suddenly, it dawned on me why I continue to try my hand at things like art and writing.  I want to be remembered.

My life is nothing special.  I don’t have many friends, I don’t have a job, I don’t have children.  I have a fiancee and a cat.  The thought that if I died tomorrow there would be nothing left behind of ME on this Earth makes me immensely sad.  I want there to be something to show that I was here.

I’m not going to cure cancer, I’m not going to become a famous actress or singer, and it’s not looking like I’m going to become a famous artist, either, so what else is left to me to be remembered by other than my writing?  And if I’m going to be remembered by my writing, shouldn’t I actually WRITE something? Continue reading

Starting From Scratch

17 Jul

I’ve been derelict in my duties as a blogger.  I’ve abandoned my post and as a result, my readers have scattered in the wind, back to all corners of the globe from whence they came.

But maybe that’s not a bad thing.

Not that there was anything wrong with my readers, but maybe starting from scratch is what I need, to get me back to where I should have been all along.

I have this problem where, if I spend too much time in front of the computer, I tend to get lost in it, and by the time I manage to claw my way out from the bowels of the interwebz, eight hours have passed, and I’ve got nothing to show for it.  On the other hand, if I’m not on the computer, my blog tends to get lost in the everyday mundane things I manage to find to occupy my time.  It’s a tightrope I walk, and all the times I’ve fallen from it are evidenced by the several-month gaps between closely grouped posts. Continue reading

Dear Me

16 Apr

Dear Me,

I wanted to start by saying thank you.  Thank you for trying to protect me all these years.  Thank you for building those walls when I wasn’t strong enough to face the world.  Thank you for studying people and watching them so closely, and alerting me every time they did something suspicious that was similar to other times I’d been hurt.  Thank you for tucking me deep down, away from all the pain and the hurt that the world can bring.  Thank you for everything.

But it’s time for me to come out now.  It’s time for me to face the world and feel the sun on my face.  I can’t stay locked inside anymore.  It’s time for me to stop hiding and start healing.  I can’t stay protected forever.  The walls we built have turned into a prison.  I need to be free, to get a few bumps and bruises, because that’s the only way I will grow.  I’m not saying I don’t need you anymore, because I do.  This is all very new to me, and I’ll need a safe place I can come to when I start getting overwhelmed.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the things you’ve done for me, but the things that once helped me are now hurting me.  It’s time for us to come up with a new way of dealing with the outside.  I’m willing to work with you on this, because you have been faithful and strong for me, but you must find it within you to start breaking down some of these walls.

You have been the truest friend I’ve ever had, but it’s time for us to let go of all of the old hurts and realize that hiding away isn’t going to stop the hurt from happening.  Life is going to hurt, but the walls mean there’s no one else around to make it better again.  We are no longer children, and we know that hiding our head beneath the covers only protects us from the monsters that live in the closet, not from the monsters that live in broad daylight.

We can be strong without being distant.  We can love without fear.  Living life waiting for the other shoe to drop hasn’t made us happy, so it’s time for a change.

I know it’s scary, but we can do it.

We have to do it.

It hurts too much not to.

Love,

Me

Don’t Let The Door Hit Ya…

1 Apr

**Alert** This post is nothing more than a frustrated rant.  I left out a lot, omitted much of the cursing I felt like doing, and didn’t mention the fact that I blame no one but ourselves for this situation.  Never EVER rely on friendship to keep housemate situations peaceful.  Always draw up a contract and get some sort of deposit when letting someone move in with you.  You will always end up regretting it if you don’t.

 

My Love and I have been together since October of 2011.  When we became a ‘couple’, his previous girlfriend still lived in his house, as she had nowhere else to go at the time.  There she remained until the 1st of October 2012.

We so enjoyed it when she moved out.  We finally had the place to ourselves.  No one to worry about coming in at ‘inconvenient’ times, or disturbing anyone else with our chaotic sleep schedule.  The place was finally OURS.

Except by Halloween 2012, it wasn’t.

Within weeks of ex-girlfriend moving out, old-high-school-buddy had contacted him and said he needed someplace to stay for a while.  He was having trouble in his marriage, and he needed to get out and get his head straight, try to fix the problems, etc. etc. I’ll call him ‘Andy’.  So, because Andy (technically his mother, since Andy was still just a kid) had let my Love live with him for about 6 months when they were in school together and my Love had left home, my Love felt that he owed it to him to help him out.

I met ‘Andy’ the day he began moving his stuff into our house. Continue reading

Calling All Travelers/Vacationistas!

17 Mar

I’m writing this blog post, because I am hoping that the blogging world (and beyond) can help my Love and I decide where to go on vacation this year.  I’m asking for two different categories, the first is where we should go this year, 2014.  This vacation spot needs to be in the United States.

The second category is more versatile.  I’d like suggestions from everyone on the best places to go, and the most awesome things to see, in the entire world.  Mind you, we’re not world travelers, so safety should be a concern, but if you’ve been somewhere and seen something amazing, I want to know about it.

In short, I’m looking for places that are both exciting (stuff to do) as well as beautiful and/or historic.

Please help, and share, and comment with your experiences.  And don’t assume that because it’s world-renown, that I’ve already thought of it!  Short of Vegas, NYC, and London, I have no clue where might be great places to visit.

Current US destinations under consideration are:

Vegas

New York City

San Diego OR San Francisco (or both?)

Current International Destinations are:

?

Ode to Spring (and Art)

17 Mar
Example of my Springtime artwork. (Prints for sale! *wink*)

Example of my Springtime artwork. (Prints for sale! *wink*)

SPRING

I feel you near

the air fairly vibrates

with anticipation.

Mother’s raiments

wait impatiently to unfurl

in celebration.

White blankets fade

deferring to your preference

for emerald and pastels.

Old man weakens,

a kinder sovereign takes charge,

giving birth to change. Continue reading

Namaste – So Much More Than A Greeting

12 Mar
This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:An_Oberoi_Hotel_employee_doing_Namaste,_New_Delhi.jpg

This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:An_Oberoi_Hotel_employee_doing_Namaste,_New_Delhi.jpg

I openly share my ignorance when I admit that up until very recently, I thought ‘Namaste’ was simply the Indian way to say ‘Hello’.  I was raised in a Christian household, and have had little to no exposure to other religions or cultures outside of what I’ve seen on television or perhaps clicked past on-line, and didn’t put forth much effort into remedying my ignorance.  To be completely open about it, I still don’t do much to proactively investigate other religions or cultures past their relation to something I’m thinking about or researching, but I do learn little tidbits here and there.

I recently learned that ‘Namaste’ and the pressed hand gesture/slight bow combination in Hinduism literally means ‘I bow to the divine in you’.  This wouldn’t have meant much to me a few weeks ago, but I’ve been watching a series of interviews on YouTube recently featuring Sister Shivani where she speaks often about the importance of remembering that everyone is a soul, and began pure and good.  I know not everyone even believes in the existence of a ‘soul’, but regardless of your beliefs, you can’t deny that we are all human, we were born innocent and pure, and are the way we are as a result of the things we have been taught or experienced in the time since we were born.

I could be totally off the mark since Hinduism isn’t my forte, but I imagine that the practice was created as a reminder to the person giving the greeting that everyone else carries a spark of the divine within them, and to treat them accordingly.  Even if I’m way off the mark, I think it’s a good concept.  Continue reading

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