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Don’t Let The Door Hit Ya…

1 Apr

**Alert** This post is nothing more than a frustrated rant.  I left out a lot, omitted much of the cursing I felt like doing, and didn’t mention the fact that I blame no one but ourselves for this situation.  Never EVER rely on friendship to keep housemate situations peaceful.  Always draw up a contract and get some sort of deposit when letting someone move in with you.  You will always end up regretting it if you don’t.

 

My Love and I have been together since October of 2011.  When we became a ‘couple’, his previous girlfriend still lived in his house, as she had nowhere else to go at the time.  There she remained until the 1st of October 2012.

We so enjoyed it when she moved out.  We finally had the place to ourselves.  No one to worry about coming in at ‘inconvenient’ times, or disturbing anyone else with our chaotic sleep schedule.  The place was finally OURS.

Except by Halloween 2012, it wasn’t.

Within weeks of ex-girlfriend moving out, old-high-school-buddy had contacted him and said he needed someplace to stay for a while.  He was having trouble in his marriage, and he needed to get out and get his head straight, try to fix the problems, etc. etc. I’ll call him ‘Andy’.  So, because Andy (technically his mother, since Andy was still just a kid) had let my Love live with him for about 6 months when they were in school together and my Love had left home, my Love felt that he owed it to him to help him out.

I met ‘Andy’ the day he began moving his stuff into our house. Continue reading

Pity Party Inside (and free photo edit offer)

23 Aug
Angry Penguin

Angry Penguin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Okay, so, I wrote the following long, whiny, self-pitying post just because I can… but at the end, I came up with something to take my mind off of my ‘despair’ and that was to edit other people’s photos, because I find it to be fun to do.  My request to you is, if you have a picture of someone (yourself, your kid, whatever), I’d like to edit it for you.  I’ll edit them/it, and post a few on my blog with before/afters.  You might love it, or you might hate it, and either way is okay.  IF anyone decides to take me up on my offer, just let me know where to find the picture… I’m just going to go randomly copy people’s pictures and edit them, anyway, so why not get in on the action?  ^_^  (If you like it, you’re more than welcome to copy/keep/reuse it however you like… I’ve been considering offering this for a small fee at some point in the future, so if you’re curious what I can do, here’s your chance to get it for free)

*******

Some days I just get so angry.  I feel completely retarded (Note that I’m using this as a verb, not a noun.  Look it up.) by everything and nothing at all.  There’s so MANY things I want to do, see, experience, learn… but can’t.  Sometimes it’s because of money, sometimes it’s because of time, sometimes it’s because of other people, but some days it always seems that there is nothing I can do to make things better. 

I mean, I try.  I try very hard to do things to help, to improve my ‘lot in life’ so to speak, but nothing ever seems to work. 

Some days, the frustration just takes over, and I’m angry.  Impotently angry, but angry nonetheless.  I say impotently angry, because nothing I do as a result of my anger works, either.  Continue reading

Hunger – A Preventable Tragedy

20 Aug
Garbage, Beijing

Garbage, Beijing (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Do you know what happens to that perfectly good double cheeseburger that you ordered with no pickles when you return it to the fast food restaurant because they put pickles on it?  Well, if they don’t break the rules and just toss it back under the heat lamp for the next customer, they toss it.

Perfectly good food, tons of it, gets tossed in the garbage every single night all around the world.  Why?  Because our laws are set up that way.

If a restaurant makes too much food (and they do every single day) the law says that for them to get a better tax break on the ‘loss’, they must throw it in the trash.  If they donate it to the needy – the poor, the homeless – they don’t get a break on their taxes due to Uncle Sam (or if they do, it’s not comparative to the ‘loss’ tax break).  In addition, they put LOCKS on their garbage containers, to intentionally prevent the hungry that are willing to sacrifice their dignity and dig through garbage for food from reaching it.  In fact, should someone decide to breach these holy bastions of garbage to relieve the ache in their bellies, they can be arrested for stealingContinue reading

Bruised But Not Broken – A Survivor’s Tale

18 Aug
child abuse

child abuse (Photo credit: Southworth Sailor)

I am a survivor.

Bruised and scarred, but not broken, even though there are moments in which I feel I am.  I have survived abuse, in one form or another, since I was seven years old.  One abuser is dead (and burning in Hell, if there is a just god), another is still alive, in my life, and loved very much, because I am old enough now to understand.  I don’t have to approve of a thing to understand the motivation behind it.  I have forgiven, and life has moved on to happier, healthier times, because they have found it in themselves to change.  Another abuser is still alive (I assume) but completely out of my life, and although I haven’t been able to completely forgive, I’ve shed most of my anger and feel mostly pity and sorrow.  I count that as a win, too.

I am here to tell anyone who will listen or who needs to hear, that there IS life after abuse.  No, the memories will never go away.  The nasty little voice in your head will never be completely silenced, but there is life, and it can be a very, very good life. Continue reading

Blank Slate

20 Jul
The Thinking Man sculpture at Musée Rodin in Paris

The Thinking Man sculpture at Musée Rodin in Paris (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you have been following my blog, you know that this sort of post is not in character for me.  Hell, the title of my blog is Free, Fun or Interesting.  That implies a subject.  A direction of thought that has a destination in mind, or at least the idea of one.  It’s been days since I’ve felt that.  I hate not having something to TELL you all, but I feel like sitting in silence, saying nothing, just implies that I don’t care, or that the blog hasn’t been on my mind.  It has.  Much more than you probably think, but I haven’t had anything to say that would be worth a damn.  I have thoughts and opinions about everything, but nothing has presented itself to me to give my thoughts and opinions ON.

They say the heart wants what the heart wants… and my heart really wants to post something worthwhile, but my mind isn’t cooperating.  My brain at the moment feels like a black hole.  A vortex sucking up every thought I have, and jettisoning it out into the ether, giving me no time to form a cohesive sentence about it, much less an entire blog post.  I hate this feeling.  Feeling adrift.  Having no particular direction to go toward… I want something to learn about, something to pull me in a certain direction, because right now, I just feel… lost.

I’ve been having some profound moments of self-thought/discovery, so I wonder if I’m one of those people that, while internalizing things, I’m unable to actualize anything productive that doesn’t have to do with my preoccupation.  I understand that having something taking up a lot of my thoughts and mental energy doesn’t leave as much room for quality material regarding other things, and that I promised Continue reading

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